A spouse’s affair is never easy to reconcile, but there are some rules even in this topsy-turvy arena. According to a recent New York Times article there is no more stinging slap in the face than to find out that your spouse and his or her par amour have been doing the nasty in the same bed where he or she does it with you.
Commenting in the times, Mr. Roane, a divorce lawyer from Grand Rapids said. “In my experience, the affair that takes place in the marital home shocks the conscience of everyone involved — even the judge. I have represented the wandering spouse, and that’s where I strongly encourage my client to get this thing settled and give slightly more than 50 percent of the assets to keep it out of court.”
He added: “Home is where your children are. When you find your spouse is stepping out, and it occurred in the most personal space in your home and your bed, it’s a breach of trust. It’s about as mean-spirited and insensitive as it can be.”
Ironically it seems that the original intent of stepping out at home is often convenience rather than specific disrespect. After all hotels come with possible surveillance cameras and often very high bills. On the other hand the nanny or the pool man is already at the home.
Historically, before no-fault divorce, it was necessary for one spouse (and only one spouse) to have committed adultery in most states for a couple to be granted a divorce. Engaging in the affair at home was likely to make the other spouse angry enough to welcome that divorce. It has also made spouse’s angry enough to toss a lit match into the bed with the cheating spouse in it.
Men who find wives cheating at home tend to focus on the home itself – often stating outrage with phrases like “under my roof” or “Invaded my territory.” Women tend to focus on the bed or bedroom itself, taking it more personally. Linda Lea Viken, a South Dakota divorce lawyer explains it like this. “Women are more people-oriented, involved in those kinds of details: ‘This is the very bed in which we make love’ — that is more of an injury to her. For the guy, it is ‘This guy is in my house with my wife, with my property.’ ”
Either way the perceived invasion of such a private space is rarely greeted with gladness on behalf of the aggrieved party. So if you have to cheat, you may find it wise to actually leave the house to do so, if you want any hope of returning to it.