One of the most insidious notions is that somehow a person is incomplete until they find “the one” and marry.
If I found “The One” at twenty, and he completed me why are we divorcing at thirty-five? If “The One” completes each of us, why are so many people having affairs, and getting divorced? Is “The One” just the “One for Now?” If he completes me what part is missing; the front half, the left side; a Swiss cheese of holes all over?
If I am incomplete what am I offering to the relationship? If I need another person to make me a full person how can I be half of a couple? Of course, everyone will always have room for improvement. We can learn more, mature, mellow, and wise-up. But how can we grow as individuals if our spouse has completed us?
It is when mature, capable adults find ways to work together that any kind of “ever after” can be created. If that ever after is going to be happy both parties must step up and be capable, willing, diligent and mindful. Of course it is great when your skills or abilities dove tail into a workable arrangement. If one of you cooks and enjoys it while the other is happy to clean up, that’s great. Or if you both find the kitchen to be nothing but drudgery you are at least willing to share the pain. One person is better with finances and the other maintains the social calendar - again great. But a spouse is not a crutch. He or she is a person, a full person who has entered into a committed relationship with another full person.
And that person still has friends, family, co-workers, business partners, clients, and casual acquaintances that help round out their life and their experiences. Who wants a spouse that depends completely on just one other person to make their life complete? Who wants the pressure of having to live their own life and half of someone else’s?
I love that my husband knows me well enough to often be able to finish what I’m going to say. And vice versa. But I like that we are individuals as well. And sometimes the second half of his sentence is still a surprise.